Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
