Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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