I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
a search helicopter?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize