You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
