I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
