i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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