I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He felt like a one man threesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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