rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
