Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want her autograph on my taint
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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