So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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