I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
