The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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