nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
