I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
