Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
