party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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