....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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