Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
