when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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