i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
