Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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