we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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