just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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