if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
