I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
