i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize