There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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