The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
