Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
