He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
