No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize