You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
