Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
