But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Buhtt sex?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
