I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
