There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
