Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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