i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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