All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
