My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize