he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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