god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
