Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
