this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
