Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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