I need help removing her.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize