grandma shit on top of the toilet
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
