Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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