About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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