oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
