Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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