No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
