your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
