So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
