I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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