That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
