Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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