I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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