If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
