$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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