there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize