i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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