smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
