Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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