Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
