dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
