You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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