I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
