Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize