with your own penis?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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