I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
