Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
