literally had 100 drinks last night.
I love having hate sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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