FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
