hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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