im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize