She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
