oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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