I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
